Hello parents, the dangers of “don’ts statements are that they demotivate the positive behavior you want to see and reinforce the behavior you don’t want to see. What an irony! Most kids hear too many “don’ts why because parents use them quite often in an attempt to stop what they don’t want to happen.
Interestingly, the “don’t” habit can be broken if you choose to talk to your child as you talk to your friends. We have suggesting eight viable strategies of parent-child communication, they are really stunning.
At Sharon’s Childcare and Respite Home, we are very keen on the all-around growth and development of our children. Indeed, we are children-centric.
Remember, “the words you use with your children can either build them up or destroy their self-esteem. It’s especially important that you think about the words you use when you discipline your children so you help them to move on and truly learn from their mistakes.” Joy Burgess
These five strategies can help you in your choice of words to stimulate and improve your children’s self-esteem.
Make Requests Important
A successful request takes this form: “Michael, please I need you to pack away your toys on the table now, it’s important because there is no space to eat on the table, okay?” As little as Michael is, this request would work better for him than, a harsh tone such as: “Can you pack away your toys? I’ve already asked you twice!”
In order to make sure your requests are heeded, you must first ensure you have your child’s attention. Then speak with firmness to show that you mean what you say, and give the child a reason why he must do this thing at this particular time.
However, if your child is engaged in play, it can be hard to shift his attention to you, so you either pick a different time or put in the work to engage your child’s attention first in order for your request to be successful.
Avoid using Shaming and Ridiculous labels
These are common but unhelpful ways of communicating with kids. Avoid using expressions like, “You’re acting like a two-year-old,” “You’re embarrassing me,” or, “You’re being bad.” Parents sometimes use these types of statements to get their children to behave. But trust me, using ridiculing, shaming, and unkind statement only leaves your child feeling disliked and affecting her view of herself. This style of communication can lead to problems in the parent-child relationship.
Use Kind Words
Kind words create a good relationship and better communication with your child. Children who are spoken to with appreciation and respect also have better self-worth which allows them to thrive. Instead of, “You idiot, I told you that would break if you played with it in the bathroom,” say “Let’s get the dustpan and clean it up, accidents happen.”
Other examples of kind words are:
“Thank you for helping me with the dishes.”
“You did a good job of getting your room clean.”
“That really makes me feel good.”
“I like seeing you play nicely with your sister.
Just reading and saying these words in your mind already create a warm feeling. Isn’t it.
Show Your Child You Accept Him/Her
When your child knows that you accept her as she is and not how you want her to be, everything changes. It allows your child to actually change accordingly and feel good about herself. When your child feels good about herself, she is more likely to get along with other people. She also feels safe to share her thoughts and feelings with you. Going the hard way, sometimes would not suffice.
More so, when you threaten, command, or lecture your child, it makes her feel like she is bad, that you don’t like her, and that she can’t do anything right. For example, if your child says, “I don’t like those vegetables,” and you respond, “Eat your vegetables. You are always trying to get out of it,” your child will be left feeling disconnected from you and believe that you think she is bad. Instead, try a winning way of talking with your child.
Note also that, accepting your child does not mean accepting all behaviors, it means communicating in a way that doesn’t shame her.
My dear, working on these communication skills can be hard at first, especially if you were parented by an authoritarian parent. But like all skills, practice helps.
We love you, please shape the child and change a nation today.
Sharon world cares!